氣味誌

It's stupid to restrict your love. My love.

我只是要一直提醒我自己

Friends are nothing

I should care less for them

Never get your hopes up

I am pretty sure there is no one else to love, and no one else loves me, anymore.

I shall follow her.

好懷念奶奶煮的魚湯

剛剛嘴裡似乎浮現那個記憶中的味道

好喝的魚湯

味道特殊的魚眼睛

讓我煮給奶奶喝

給我多點時間

拜託

Wouldn't it take a lot of courage to jump of a building?

I have a lot of problems and I need to solve them one by one

but I can't think of a reason to

I think of giving up and giving up

reasons

i can't find any reasons

any reasons seem meaning less

I don't want to live without her.

So I was watching a tutorial from Andrew Cramer of Video Copilot, and there was a sphere that grows. I am always fond of something that sparkles and glows, something of them reminds me of my childhood, and this is when I remember it.

As a child, I used to just look at a glowing stick or a toy with blinding lights for a long time, and it was such an amazing time for me, I can still remember the feeling that resides inside my heart.

Such a simpler time...

I'm living in the past again, somebody pull me out; but it was such a beautiful time... hehe...

When you think about it, time passes really fast; 10 years just might seem to be really short.

I am now 25 years old, seems to be at an age of real maturity.

But 10 years ago, I was 15.

15 is really, really small. It was when things were still great, beautiful, exciting, and safe.

10 years are really short.

Now I have 1 year of working experience, before that, 1 year of military. Before that, 3 years of college.

Times 2, it's 10.

It just seems to me that, 1 year passes really quick now, also 10 is just a really small number.

This is what makes time flies.

If it is such a small number, can you please rewind a little bit?

Just a little, please, I'm begging.

真的是很懷念小時候

美麗的過往回憶

晚上七、八點在廟庭看布袋戲、戶外電影、歌仔戲
大人小孩坐著高低板凳
電影膠卷捲動著的聲音、播放著的光影
香腸攤的香味、油煙飄來
棉花糖攤上插著五顏六色的棉花糖
有時還有很新奇會漂浮的汽球
夏天的夜晚左鄰右舍在廟庭乘涼看戲

It's some really tough time...

Everything looks like too much effort

it's like wrong to enjoy anything

I don't want to accept but it's happened

what would the next be?

it all seems meaningless now

I don't see too much future

living is too hard...

living is too painful

This afternoon I had some really horrible dreams that even after waking up I thought it was real and it was just some repressed memories.

In the first dream I was shooting a movie back in high school and it turned out that I killed one or two people (even though I don't know or forget how). So I was trying to hide their corpses and I felt guilty. I mean it, after waking up somehow I really did think it just might have been real and I thought it was some kind of repressed memories.

In the second one I dreampt about college graduation, and how we were having our last day of classes in the school, and I was feeling sad and for the closure. At the end we gathered outside of a classroom realizing that it was the end of the last class and we were all kind of appreciating each other. I even initiated a handshake with Ivory, God knows how sorry I feel for her.

So I woke up, and I knew why I dreamed about them.

I shall never believe in a friend too much again

I shall never think of a friend as of too much importance

I would never believe in the term "best friend" or "forever"

I would never invest too much hope or reliance on a "friend"

because no friend is a family

friendship

is

fake

and of

no importance,

crumbles

like a cookie

why do we all have to wait until what's lost to realize what's most important

even if i kept telling myself sometimes, it still wasn't enough

the idea of this inevitable truth saddens me

i hate when it's too late

and we're crying and begging for one last chance


I wish to start a service, experimental

we would advertise locally

giving free console calls and follow up tracing to people

aim to make better families

helping people reconnect their family

listening to their troubles

providing solutions and fix up friends or relatives for them to talk with, not just with the agency



when you slap the face of a friend, he walks

when you slap the face of a family, he slaps back hard, but still wants you to come home because he worries you might not have a place to stay

I believe family is where the heart is

a family is the most vital unit of a country

For a long time I've been thinking and dreaming about it, but when it happens, the shock is so much greater.

It's all too late.

Too late.

It is like a nightmare in the afternoon that you never wake up from, the ones that make your heart beats so fast and make you cry after waking up, you wish so much that it's just a dream, but it's not a dream. It's happening and you are doomed to loose it forever in your life.

Now nothing is ever important anymore.

Your heart is missing a big piece.

You'll never get a chance to regret again.

There is no making up anymore, even if you want it so much that you would sacrifice everything you have to exchange.

Now all you do is forget.

Now all you do is make the best of the current situation.



The garbage truck keeps singing.

I want to kill myself.

You are right.
Family is where the heart is.
I've spent so much time searching for fake mirrages
and ignored the most important thing in my life
the only one I have ever loved
and the only one that will ever love me, cherish me
weep for me, cradle me, unconditionally, no matter what
I was too blind to see it, blinded by the colorful but fake world
I was so blind to believe that friendship
which crumbles like cookies
and is weak as a string of silk
can be a replacement for a family
no it cannot
it has proved itself useless for so many times
I was wrong
I was so so wrong
please give us one more chance
give us one more chance
please don't make my punishment on her
please don't make her suffer
please give her more time to have the joy that she deserves
I SWEAR I WILL HOLD ON TO THIS ONE LAST CHANCE TO MAKE HER HAPPY
I PROMISE
I PROMISE
I PROMISE

When you have no family

when you have no close friends

when no one is trust worthy

when you have failed yourself and failed your family

when you have hurt the only love of your life

when you realize how important she is but it's late

when the world goes dark and meaning less

when you have no home, no love, no one, and you are sad, tired, hopeless

is it time to go?

is it time to go?

Would it be better to go?

no more

no more

no more

no more

Something's wrong.
發生了什麼事
可以讓我走到這種地步

原本說的 最好的朋友
距離遠了 就不聯絡了
電話不回了
簡訊不回了
見面的約也不赴了

一時想要做什麼事
找不到人可以一起
看電影?
吃飯?
什麼都要事前約
太遠的地方說麻煩
騎車說危險

開心的時候沒人可以分享
難過的時候沒人可以訴說
是因為覺得沒有人可以讓我百分百的相信、依靠嗎

我很憤怒

I'm a good person
I'm a funny person
I'm a decent person

I don't deserve this.

Fuck this shit

So almost 2 months have passed, and I find myself spending most of my time either on a chair, or in a bed.

This is definitely on the top ten list of all the inglorious things I've even did.

And once again, I find myself behind my friends on chasing dreams, I find it very shameful.

I used to be the shining star that gets lot of attentions.

This is unacceptable.

I will be revenged.

I'm gonna use anger as my source of power.